Who is going to be first in your life?
This is a very important question. But in modern times, it has become blurred. In the past, our spiritual and religious belief was foundational and the key driver in life. Now, for many, this is no longer a guiding principal. Rather, there is a make-it-up as you go mentality. As a result, many are fumbling and wandering in the wilderness. So, what is your guiding foundational spiritual principal in life? In my life, it is the Bible and a belief in God and to rely on Him for grace, mercy, strength, and wisdom.
Who is going to be second in your life?
No, it is not your mother, myself, or even yourself. When we think of marriage, it is your husband. Your sole purpose is to attend to and selflessly meet his needs. Be his rock. Take care of him and the fortress by creating and making a place of refuge for him to dwell.
And as a husband, you are to be the 2nd in his life for whom he selflessly protects, honors, respects, and attend to and meet all your needs, wants, and desires.
Also, a man is extremely visual by nature. He is attracted by the natural beauty of the woman in his life. Maintaining your physical appearance and beauty is extremely important. Efforts to beautify yourself is not supposed to break the bank, but it does include making a strong effort to not allow your body to go waste or become unhealthy. To this end, maintain and present yourself very pleasingly.
Who is going to be third in your life?
This is a toss-up between yourself and your children. It is very important to be sure you are making the necessary internal investments so you can always remain your very best for your husband and your children. Establishing a self-care set of rituals that are purposefully engaged in to sustain inner well-being is key.
Who is going to be fourth in your life?
If the third position of importance in your life was yourself than absolutely next is, your children. As you think about your children, be very clear that you and your husband are united in your desires. No matter how much we all achieve, we die. Our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and forever more are our legacy. As a couple, what legacy do you want to have? In what way do you want your children to speak about who you are and what you value.
In my household and observing many Black households from Slavery and up the greatest value is education. Seeing that we support our children, push our children, and give our children the greatest educational opportunities possible. Strive for the Ivy League schools, Howard, Spelman, Morehouse. Ensure our children are cultured in the arts and the people of the world. Ensure our children are business minded and financially astute. Make strong efforts to ensure that our children grow to live a self-empowered life being able to live their own life destiny.
Never forget family
It is true, marriage is ultimately a bond between one man and one woman. Two become yoked into one. However, very close by, marriage is also about the joining of two families. Interconnecting and merging two legacies. The uniting of resources and beliefs to support this man and woman and the future legacy that is to come thereafter.